Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
