she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
