Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
