i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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