Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
