I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
