I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
