I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
