Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
