it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
