He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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