But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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