Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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