now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
