so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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