Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
