so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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