So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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