I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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