She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
