just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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