Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
