she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
