I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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