I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
