I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
