I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Jerry, you need to find god
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
