Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's blow job season.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
