I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
