Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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