i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
