hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
