just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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