i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
