third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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