She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
