I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
