That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
did i just pee glitter
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
