yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
