I smell stomach acid.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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