Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I party with great urgency now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
