this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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