it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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