shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
