so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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