I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
