I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
