Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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