And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
