Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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