How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
