Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize