Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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