I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
