nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
