Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
