hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
