Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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