I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
