You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
tell me about the eggs
Randomize