I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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