dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
