o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
