Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
