Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
