you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
