I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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