I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
