Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
