Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
