smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
